Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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