Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Hippo gnu deer
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
