But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
