I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
