The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I am one with the molecules
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
