I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
