Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
