I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
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