According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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