i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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