I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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