I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
