mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
