If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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