you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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