do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I pour the whiskey from now on
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
