I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
