I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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