What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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