Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
