there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
