yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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