Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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