Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
