I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
