okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
