Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
do nipples grow back?
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