Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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