This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
