After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
wow bdsm is so cute
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