all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
