is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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