oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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