I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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