I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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