I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
