my mouth tastes like poor choices
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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