Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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