Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
