I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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