just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
