Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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