I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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