Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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