so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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