i barfeds in our rink
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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