Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
