Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
