I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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