Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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