he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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