I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
