He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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