Betty ford says i'm here all night
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
