Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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