This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
