she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize