I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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