a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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