The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
