Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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