Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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