i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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