Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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