i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
