Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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