OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
