I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
