JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
