I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
