I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.