I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.