apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
