i think my mom watched the whole time
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
