so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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