I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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