sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
