I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
