I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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