doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
