So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
